Opportunities

Source

We have many opportunities in front of us. The key to how successful we are is how we utilise them. And I’ve been making poor use of those opportunities. But the beauty about life when lived with God, is that it is never too late. I am determined to make the best of my situations (trying as they are at the moment) and make them work for me. We just got to keep trying, eventually one door will open for us, and in the process of having other doors closed, we would have learned lessons which will be vital for us in making best use of this new opportunity.

I have been inspired by the word from Deut 31:6:

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

It’s like that song “Be bold, be strong....”  

I have been looking for permanent work for a while now. Applied to numerous places but not making real progress. This has forced me to change tactics and strategy. Maybe I’m not supposed to be in a permanent role; God knows how I enjoy the flexibility and free time. So maybe, just maybe I have been looking in the wrong place. We’ll see how things go. But I know that in the end it will be alright!

Month of Love: Close

As the "month of love" draws to a close, I do wonder to myself if I have learnt anything. Love is a complex thing, it is a choice. We can opt in or opt out. It's easy to do either, but it seems like we have a problem remaining in either camp.

Choosing to love is probably one of the easiest decisions we can make as humans. We are personable people and want the company of others. But being in love or showing love to others requires sacrifices, and we are selfish.

Over the past few months, I have learnt just how much of a selfish being I am. I thought that I was perfect.... well close enough anyways. How WRONG I was. Living with another being and spending all your time together makes you realise just how much you enjoy your own space. I know, earlier I said that we want the company of others, and that is true, no one wants to be alone. But it seems as though as soon as we get that, or rather too much of that, we want to push back, we feel threatened.

I am learning the lessons of being a better person every day. But I am having problems with the implementation process. That would mean, changing myself and admitting that I am wrong and have been for a while. I need a lot more courage and faith. God says that we have nothing to fear, and as sure I am about the truth of that fact, it is extremely hard to live it out.

What have you learnt this month?

"What you thinking?"

Men and Women are very different. What’s new in that piece of analysis I hear you say. Well, I’ve been experiencing this very fact for the last 6 months now. In my ignorance I had assumed upon getting married, all problems of miscommunication, feeling like we just don’t get each other would just simply disappear. Needless to say that in our pre-marriage counselling it was heavily highlighted that such aspirations are just that, dreams – but a girl can dream, no? We always think, “Maybe it’ll be different for us” – oh how simple as humans we are.

Men just don’t think! Well in the same way as I do at least. My mind is constantly ticking over something. Whether its mulling over what to prepare for dinner, deciding how I’m going to start a career, what career I should go into, whether the oven needs a clean and if I can fit it in today, or if I’m ready to reproduce – I’m always thinking. Guys on the other hand, don’t seem to undertake such complex/long-winded trains of thought (they may deem them to be unnecessary).

Now me being me, I’ve always tried to “understand” men. I figure that the best way to achieve this is to try and understand what goes on in their heads, so you can try and figure out what makes them tick. I think in large this has been a futile exercise, well at least in the way I have approached it.

“What you thinking” I think is probably the worst thing you could ask a guy….. regardless of who is responding, even my husband who I thought “definitely, we’ll be on the same wave-length” it is always “erm….nothing”. How can it be so? Do men really not think? And why don’t they have the same thoughts as I do? Life would really be a whole lot easier if we could just understand each other.

Living with another person is definitely a challenge. We are all different and approach things as it suits us best. Thinking back to the days of shared accommodation in Uni, I realise that my current frustrations aren’t new. But there is a VERY big difference now. At Uni, you know that you will not be living with your student friends for ever, and you just don’t love them like that. Now, we have to work on ways of compromising, which sometimes means just letting things go. To be honest, life is just too short to worry about who makes the bed in the morning or the fact that the cushions haven’t been fluffed up recently.

Nevertheless, I do hope that one day I get to the stage where I no longer have the urge to ask “so……. what you thinking” because we’ll just get each other. Right? 

Snow is falling.....

Snow is falling (Snow is falling), All around me (all around me) children playing, having fun, te de de de...



So it’s been snowing here for the last week or so, and in true British style, things have come to a standstill. It’s given us the excuse we needed not to go to work and for some I can imagine given us a much needed break from the daily slog of a working life. It is very much appreciated seeing as the period between the last national holiday and the one ahead was soooo soooo long.

Snow brings out the child in everyone I think. We wake up in the morning, see a blanket of white, and immediately our faces light up as we think of the possibilities of making snowmen, having snowball fights or better still, being snowed in! Oh how I have wished it to snow just a lil bit more so that I could stay and rest my weary bones. But no, it’s just enough to slip on, but not enough to stop work from going ahead. Doh! If only I lived out in the sticks where they have over ground rails only. I shall count my blessings, because I cannot be sure of what they are going through right now – ice sculpture competition anyone?

Wintery Blues

So it’s been a VERY long time since I last did a post. I’m not even going to bother to try and give you a catch up session because that would take too much of your time and tbh I can’t really remember all that has happened. Just to say though, that A LOT has happened since May, and not just the changing weather.

I’ve decided to recommit myself to writing on the wall, sharing my thoughts, trust me it’s more for me than you, but I honestly hope that in some small way it’ll help you too.

So here we go once more:

I’ve been in my head a lot recently. Thinking, contemplating. But I haven’t got very far. I’m still where I was, which is exactly where I don’t want to be. - It never ceases to amaze me that thinking about doing things don’t actually get things done. Hmmmm.... when will I learn? – I feel like my circumstances are beyond my control, and they are, and they should be. But my problem is letting go, and letting God control all. I know, I know, I preach, but I have failed to heed the word for myself.

I want to make a lasting change to my attitude. I’m tired of going around this circle of uncertainty. I am ready to change. And I know for that to remain and for me to achieve I need the help of The One above. I need you Lord. Do you hear me?

Great Grace

We were all created to be great people. Our only problem is that we choose not to believe. We allow the views of society and those around us to shape our perception of ourselves. But this is wrong. This is a sin because in effect what we are saying is “God, I don’t think that YOUR works and YOUR creation is good enough. There are faults.” But in the beginning God created all things and it was good. In fact we were created in His own image.


We need to start seeing ourselves as God sees us. We probably, or definitely aren’t where we want to be or where God wants us to be in our lives, but if we allow Him to lead and take control we will start that journey. We all have gifts and talents that need to be shared. For me its words of encouragement through writing or speech. But I convince myself that I’m a shy person that likes to stay in the background so as not to face criticism I guess. I shy away from making contributions even though deep down I know that what I have to say may change the outcome or someone’s opinion.

How do we move from this self inflicted trap?

I’ve learnt over this weekend that there is nothing that I can do, but it’s only by God’s grace. It’s only through Him, He that loves us abundantly.

Women in Need

I've just watched a documentary on BBC iplayer "The most dangerous place for women". It is heart rendering to hear the stories of these vulnerable and stigmatised women. Women are being raped on a daily basis just because. Rape in the case of wars has turned into a mass destruction weapon.


The documentary follows the story of Jude a Congolese British, as she goes back to her homeland to visit her parents after 20 years of separation but also to grasp an understanding of her background. For me it brought back memories of my own homeland and made me consider just where I could have been had it not been for the sacrifice of my own parents to bring me to this land of opportunity. It also brought to the forefront the plight of Africa in general but more specifically highlighted just how powerless African women specifically rural African women are. I would have said "have become" but I believe that the poor treatment of women is entrenched in the culture and tradition of most African lifestyle.

Something needs to change. I don't know how, but we need to take a stand to ensure that we do not go around ignorant of the challenges that face our fellow sisters on a daily basis.
It's quite easy to forget. In my last blog post I was writing about the luxury of Spas and Hotels, hmmm…. It is very easy to forget.

It's a beautiful day

hey hey… it's a beautiful day! Yea I know my tone has changed completely. It was about time. Being down in the dumbs just doesn't suit me and more importantly it doesn't get me any where either.




So things have been a bit confusing and uncertain for a while and nothing's changed really. I'm still waiting for things to be confirmed etc. but my approach has changed. I realised that I was my greatest hurdle and that I was stressing about much-a-do-about-nothing. What I mean is that there are some things that are just out of your control. So instead of wasting energy on things that you have no power over, look at the things that are currently within your grasp, lean on God and hey presto!



I've commissioned myself to be positive everyday I wake up. I'm getting back into a routine; allocating time for a run (I'm going to be f-i-e-r-c-e!), work and lots and lots of play. I'm also working on my devotional life, seeking to spend more time with God and enjoying his creations, i.e. going for walks - nothing too profound.



I guess the sunshine has come about just at the right time for me.

I've also start a mini herb garden, kinda like the one above but not quite. Let's see what goodness will come my way!!

Oh i'm growing, chives, corriander, parsley and will sow some bay leaves later too.

Plans

That thing that I've been waiting for, well I'm still waiting. On the surface it seems that nothing has developed or changed. I'm getting the same response from the same people. I wish I could just get a definite "yay" or "nay", that way I could go ahead and make the plans I need to.


After long periods of nothing and even longer conversations, I now know that plans are never definite. In fact I would say that our plans are just ideas in reality, that rarely or never actually come to fruition.

The only person that can truly plan is God. Whatever He says goes? When I came to believe and understand this, it allowed me to better accept my current circumstances: it's all part of His greater plan. I mean if I had been whisked off already, I wouldn't have had all this time to spend with family and friends or start preparations for next year, and I wouldn't have learnt this lesson. So in all things I must be grateful right? Besides He says:

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11

and just because things don’t seem to be going right on the surface doesn't mean that He isn't working behind the scences. Keep praising Him through it all like Paul and Silas in prison (Acts 16). He will always make His presence know to you if you just let Him.
HOWEVER, when we throw free will and choices into the mix, then doesn't that mean we can chose to go against God's plans? I'm still thinking things through after another convo yesterday.

Jesus Did

Whilst doing some tidying up, I came across this verse entitled "Jesus Did":

Peole are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.

Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.

Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.

Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.

Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest people with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest people with the smallest minds.

Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.

Fight for the underdog anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.

Build anyway.

People really need help, but may attack you if you help them.

Help anyway.

Give the world the best you've got and you'll get kicked in the teeth.

Give the world the best you've got anyway.

-Author Unknown

Encouragement

I was reading through one of my old note books when I came across something I wrote almost a year ago now. I wrote it at a time when I needed motivation and encouragement. I thought that I would share it with you:

When it comes to men, patience (or lack of) is our worst enemy, we simply do not have enough of it. We chose to take what we see and not what we believe we are entitled to.


Have no regrets in life. When you say you will do something, DO IT. Life is too short. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow there will be other challenges. Today is the present. Go forth in faith and accomplish God's plan for your life.


If you achieve only one thing in life, chose to let God love you. For if you truly open yourself to His wonder, grandeur, mercy, compassion and forgiveness, there is no way you will not love Him back.

Waiting

Although the last few weeks have been filled with lots of activity (read the next post to find out why), in some ways I don't feel like I've moved along any where. But I know that in reality things have changed BIG time.
My current situation at the moment is one of great uncertainty in one sense and in another, one of assured security. As I stand, I know not where I will be in a week let alone 6 months down the line. It means that planning anything is REALLY difficult. It becomes disheartening as sometimes I feel helpless and I guess I am in a way, as the decision I am waiting upon is out of my control.

I would have thought however that having recently been assured that waiting patiently and trusting in God to provide what you need really does happen that I could have transferred this lesson to other parts of my life. It does not seem to have been that way. I still find myself questioning .

Waiting is an act of faith though right? I mean it's a lot easier to take what is placed before you. But waiting means that you're holding out for something better, for something you know that you deserve. But it does leave you completely vulnerable. But I guess that is the only way we can make the biggest gain?



Have faith and put that faith into action: Phillipians 4:6

Reality

Everyone's concept of it is different. There is no single reference point that can be used globally to measure the level of "reality" we are experiencing. So how do we know that it's real? In the mathematical and statistical terms, real refers to the constant effect or change from a given reference point. Dictionary.com defines "reality" as the state of being real. Where "real" is termed as being true or actual fact. But who or what determines fact? Hasn' t this be preconditioned by our own expectations and understanding of what is fact or truth? Which in turn is based on our external influences and experiences ?


The reason why I'm discussing the concept of reality is because circumstances are changing in my life. New year, new beginnings and all that. I'm trying to get my head around my views on reality as things once thought out of my reach begin to come closer. If I take the statistical viewpoint of constant measures, I have no benchmark from which to start, and if I take the dictionary definition then even there I struggle with what is truth and fact. So you see my dilemma?

I guess reality is simply what you believe it to be…doesn't that then mean that each of us has a different reality, rendering the two definitions mentioned above invalid? What are your thoughts?

Too Many Men

In my current environment I would say that gender distribution is typically structured according to traditional views. That is to say, the professional staff is dominated by males and the non-professional by females. Among the professional positions, women make up only 22%, and this is at a push. That is a tiny number, and the higher up the ladder you get, the smaller the numbers get. That is not to say that it is the same in all organisations, never mind in all professions, but I think it goes to highlight just how stark gender disparities are, the constraints and limitations women face and that definitely something needs to be done about it. Even by that simple statistic many female colleagues could be put off even trying to enter the "market" at such high levels and redirect their efforts to situations that are seemingly more "female friendly". If we consider even further back, to youths, or children who begin dreaming about what "I'm going to be when I grow up" I am sure if they see that an environment is particularly dominated by their gender they would gravitate towards it. That is not to say that progress has not been made. I am too young to confidently and accurately recall what the situation was like 20 years or 30 years back, but I am certain that the sex discrimination act, or provisions for child care and maternity leave were very hard to find.

On the other hand the whole concept of gender brings with it its own problems. It is one thing to advocate equality among the sexes in certain aspects. But I don't think enough care is taken to appropriately measure or account for what the term equality means. In Amartya Sen's "Development as Freedom" he talks about capabilities and opportunities. About how one's development or a community's development is measured by their access to opportunities. And so equality would imply that both sexes have access to the same amount of opportunities. But there are varying factors that must be taken into consideration. It is not enough to simply state "here, look … you can go and do that". There are traditional, cultural and social constraints, as well as economic constraints that limit one's access to such "equal opportunities". And so these must be addressed. Further, or more importantly, I believe that equality does not mean being able to do the same thing. For one, we are created differently (thank God). We all have different functions, strengths and weaknesses etc. So implementing a policy that is supposedly "gender neutral" does not in fact deal with these problems , if anything it just increases them.

I was reading some articles (Beyond the Economic Man by Ferber and Nelson) in which they discuss the problems associated with the word gender. One often assumes that if gender is to be disscused then it is that of women. But there are two genders, males and females, so maybe there needs to be some kind of balance?

Anyway… I think that women face many more constraints when it comes to the professional world and they need much more support .