Moving on....

We're looking to buy a house. It's long and complicated. And sometimes feels like it will never happen. But I need to trust and keep pushing on and believe that the right place will come up soon. We put an offer in for a place last week - which was rejected. The sad thing is that the place is probably not even worth that much, but the vendors are insistent on getting the highest quote - and because no one has got far enough in the process to do a survey, they are non-the-wiser about the true value. So the search continues - with a lot more gusto than previously. We need our own place. It is about time now. I want to start my family. 

Happy May day!!

Source

There is something quite therapeutic about the rain. As much of an inconvenience it is, it does tend to bring fresh air. And on a day like today, it brings a fresh start. I am looking forward to this new season, the last has been a bit of challenge for me. But I am now ready for change!

Happy May day!!!

Kiddies Couture

                                       

Over the past few years I had thought that the fashion community had come under scrutiny following uproar about size zero models, debates about ethical trading and a general conclusion that the industry is putting undue pressure on young girls (and boys) to be a certain way.

"What girls doesn't want to wear her mum's shoes?"

A quote from a recent article I read promoting the launch of Roger Vivier's Jeune Fille collection - a mini replication his range of ballerina pumps for adults. You might ask what is such the big problem, there's no harm done in ballet pumps right? Well no - but it's the principle that counts. Just like the quote, its the encouragement of young girls to be like women - grow-up. And with the launch of DVF's girls range for Gap (that many women are coveting), the line between childhood and womanhood seems to be getting ever blurred.

When will children be given the freedom to grow up at their own pace? They are facing more complex issues each day; divorce, caring for the sick, abuse, bullying, gang crime - all sorts. Will there ever be an age when kids can just be kids?

Let me know what you think!!

Barclay's Bikes

I have a slight bone to pick with Mayor Boris.....

In the last month or so, the Limehouse, Mile End, Stepney and Whitechapel areas have been inundated with bicycle docking stations, empty ones at that. My husband keeps telling me that it is in preparation for the Olympics. I'm sure it is, but do they really think that demand is going to be quite that high? Even if the bikes are used during the Olympics period because of an influx of extremely wealthy tourists (who else is going to afford the extortionate rents that is going to be charged) what will happen to the bikes afterwards? Taking into consideration the demographics of the Tower Hamlets area (these are just what I have personally seen) it does not seem to me that the population is one that would favour bicycles as a mode of transport.

I'm wondering just how much "investment" has gone into the expansion of the scheme to the area and I'm also wondering if the benefits will be that great.

Photo taken on Mile End road. 

Month of Love: Close

As the "month of love" draws to a close, I do wonder to myself if I have learnt anything. Love is a complex thing, it is a choice. We can opt in or opt out. It's easy to do either, but it seems like we have a problem remaining in either camp.

Choosing to love is probably one of the easiest decisions we can make as humans. We are personable people and want the company of others. But being in love or showing love to others requires sacrifices, and we are selfish.

Over the past few months, I have learnt just how much of a selfish being I am. I thought that I was perfect.... well close enough anyways. How WRONG I was. Living with another being and spending all your time together makes you realise just how much you enjoy your own space. I know, earlier I said that we want the company of others, and that is true, no one wants to be alone. But it seems as though as soon as we get that, or rather too much of that, we want to push back, we feel threatened.

I am learning the lessons of being a better person every day. But I am having problems with the implementation process. That would mean, changing myself and admitting that I am wrong and have been for a while. I need a lot more courage and faith. God says that we have nothing to fear, and as sure I am about the truth of that fact, it is extremely hard to live it out.

What have you learnt this month?

Snow is falling.....

Snow is falling (Snow is falling), All around me (all around me) children playing, having fun, te de de de...



So it’s been snowing here for the last week or so, and in true British style, things have come to a standstill. It’s given us the excuse we needed not to go to work and for some I can imagine given us a much needed break from the daily slog of a working life. It is very much appreciated seeing as the period between the last national holiday and the one ahead was soooo soooo long.

Snow brings out the child in everyone I think. We wake up in the morning, see a blanket of white, and immediately our faces light up as we think of the possibilities of making snowmen, having snowball fights or better still, being snowed in! Oh how I have wished it to snow just a lil bit more so that I could stay and rest my weary bones. But no, it’s just enough to slip on, but not enough to stop work from going ahead. Doh! If only I lived out in the sticks where they have over ground rails only. I shall count my blessings, because I cannot be sure of what they are going through right now – ice sculpture competition anyone?

Self Control

Galations 5: 22 "The fruits of the spirit are "Love, Joy, Peace, Faithfulness, Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness and Self Control."

As I passed through the kitchen Saturday morning to get brekkie, I heard Joyce Meyer speak on this topic. It's an interesting one. We all say we have temptations; "it's just too hard", so we give in. Now, I'm talking about the simple things. She used the illustration of a cookie jar. We (or I) tell ourselves that we'll just have the one. We take it, devour it and then reach out for another because it tastes sooo good. Even now as I write this, I'm looking at a bag of Knights Selection Crisps, "Oven Roasted Chicken with Lemon & Thyme". I took a few, closed the bag and still found myself reaching out for more.


Think about it. How can we let such little things overcome us? Look at the size of a cookie, or a crisp, come on now!!

Meet The Parents

It's got to that point, you can't avoid it. To be honest you don't want to avoid it coz you know to get to the next stage it must be done. All kind of thoughts start racing through your mind. From the most obvious, "will they like me?"; "What do I say?"; "What should I wear?" etc. But strangely enough you don't feel nervous, anxious but rather quite calm. "Shouldn't I be feeling scared or something?"
This time it’s different, something's changed. I can’t really explain, I'm not sure myself, but I know it's going to be alright. Besides, I've done all the background checks and personal research that my social network allows for, so I'm armed with information (well that's what I think anyways).
To be honest I think that in most situations things are never as bad as we may make them out to be. As imperfect humans we have an annoying tendency to overestimate difficult or challenging situations. We convince ourselves that it's out of our reach, that we're not worth it or that we aren't capable of doing it. But my mother has taught me, and continually reminds me that if somebody else has done it, so can I. And even if no one else has achieved what your aiming for, don't let that stop you, be a pioneer and let your "lil light shine".
Ok so back to meeting the parents. The first time actually went really smoothly. Obviously the underlying work had been done, i.e. they already had sufficient information about me to know what I was like and vice versa. I was welcomed into their house or rather their home as one of them. I was looked after, taken care of. So obviously I have returned for subsequent visits (quite a few actually). I guess I have other motivations? Anyway, like I said above this time it was different.

Reflections

The festive season is drawing to a close and so is this year. I'm looking into 2010 feeling at peace, relaxed and I guess knowing that challenges will come (it's inevitable, it's me we are talking about), but I feel stronger and more prepared. This year has been a year of lessons for me. Many of them commonsensical, but for me they have changed my outlook on how I perceive life and relationships.

God has continued to show his grace and faithfulness in all areas of my life. I guess next year will be a year where I will be challenged to show my faithfulness in God. I have learnt to "let go and let be". I have learnt that usually the things that I am running from is actually where I'm supposed to be. I have learnt the importance of friendships and the bonds that exist between brothers and sisters, whether by blood or otherwise. I have been able to grasp just a little more, the extent of God's love for His children. And with regards to relationships…I'm still on the learning curve, but I'm definitely enjoying the ride.

We are all privileged enough to be surrounded by love. And if you don't feel it, maybe you're the one that needs to change how you receive and give? Anyway… we should all give thanks that we have been brought this far, for it was not by our will. Lets continue to show love and encourage one another in the following years, because we could all do with a little more support.

Get out the way!

So, I realise that I am in my head way too much. I could use excuses like, I'm at work all day, sat in front of a computer with actual work to do so I don't get the chance to talk. Or that, I don't want everyone knowing my business or that I need to work it out first etc. But what ever I say, it would all be an excuse and a semi-lie. Yes I am at work all day, and no I'm not going to share my inner most secrets with colleagues, but that shouldn’t stop me from being myself. Further, I may be thousands of kilometres away from friends, but that doesn't stop me calling, writing or even skyping them, now does it?


I think my greatest fear is actually thinking. Yes, I have stuff going on in my head all the time but I'm not actually thinking. When I say thinking, I mean resolving things. Because if I actually thought about things, it would mean that I have an opinion and having an opinion makes you vulnerable, which I don't want. But I am too grown for this nonsense now. I need to make the effort to get involved, feel, contribute and formulate. I am not as weak, ignorant, naïve as I think myself to be. I have a lot to offer and I'm the only person standing in my way.


So I say to myself this day as Ludacris so eloquently put "move b*, get out my way, get out my way b* get out my way!"

Too Many Men

In my current environment I would say that gender distribution is typically structured according to traditional views. That is to say, the professional staff is dominated by males and the non-professional by females. Among the professional positions, women make up only 22%, and this is at a push. That is a tiny number, and the higher up the ladder you get, the smaller the numbers get. That is not to say that it is the same in all organisations, never mind in all professions, but I think it goes to highlight just how stark gender disparities are, the constraints and limitations women face and that definitely something needs to be done about it. Even by that simple statistic many female colleagues could be put off even trying to enter the "market" at such high levels and redirect their efforts to situations that are seemingly more "female friendly". If we consider even further back, to youths, or children who begin dreaming about what "I'm going to be when I grow up" I am sure if they see that an environment is particularly dominated by their gender they would gravitate towards it. That is not to say that progress has not been made. I am too young to confidently and accurately recall what the situation was like 20 years or 30 years back, but I am certain that the sex discrimination act, or provisions for child care and maternity leave were very hard to find.

On the other hand the whole concept of gender brings with it its own problems. It is one thing to advocate equality among the sexes in certain aspects. But I don't think enough care is taken to appropriately measure or account for what the term equality means. In Amartya Sen's "Development as Freedom" he talks about capabilities and opportunities. About how one's development or a community's development is measured by their access to opportunities. And so equality would imply that both sexes have access to the same amount of opportunities. But there are varying factors that must be taken into consideration. It is not enough to simply state "here, look … you can go and do that". There are traditional, cultural and social constraints, as well as economic constraints that limit one's access to such "equal opportunities". And so these must be addressed. Further, or more importantly, I believe that equality does not mean being able to do the same thing. For one, we are created differently (thank God). We all have different functions, strengths and weaknesses etc. So implementing a policy that is supposedly "gender neutral" does not in fact deal with these problems , if anything it just increases them.

I was reading some articles (Beyond the Economic Man by Ferber and Nelson) in which they discuss the problems associated with the word gender. One often assumes that if gender is to be disscused then it is that of women. But there are two genders, males and females, so maybe there needs to be some kind of balance?

Anyway… I think that women face many more constraints when it comes to the professional world and they need much more support .

N'importe quoi!

You know when you wake up and you have that feeling that its going to be one of them days? That's exactly how I feel. My alarm went off at 5.35am this morning, in the midst of some very practical dreams that were enabling me to sort things out in my head. Anyway, I opened my eyes and my other senses came into play, realised that it was cold and refused to get out of bed. So I closed my eyes again and waited for my other alarm to go off at 6.05am. However, the extra half hour did not, as I had hoped, give me the extra boost of energy that I very much required, instead it just shortened the time I had to get myself out of the house - doh.

After getting myself all dapper; stripped shirt, trousers and make-up, I left the house and began my long a** journey to the office. Today is going to be hard day! I was waiting for a taxi at the rond point for about 25 mins - my hailing skills have obviously reclined somewhat. Ok that is bit of a fib. I got a taxi to stop after about 2 mins of arriving at the cross roads. Got in to the cab, Mr Taxi asked where I was going to which I dully responded and he said "nah not going there sorry, too much embouteillage, you know you can take the metro" - CHEEK!!! (Ok so he didn't say it in those exact words, but there's my translation for you. In fact it was a mixture of Arabic and French - key words being in French: mètro, embouteillage).

Taxi drivers here are getting on my last nerve. I have frequented quite a few since arriving in this place - considering they are now my main mode of transportation whilst my aunt is away - I must have sat my bum down in over 20 or so (in other circumstances they have a word for that - oops). I mean in relative terms they are cheap (London), as the average journey costs about 4.500TND (£2.30 or so). But a lot of cheapness makes for very expensive n'est pas?!

The journey into work took 40 mins. This is a journey that can be achieved sans traffic in around 15mins or if you drive a Mercedes V6, 9mins. I am certain that Mr Taxi man took the longest, slowest route just so he could get some more millimes out of me, I swear!! I mean he would make the normal gestures of honking the horn and all that, to demonstrate that he was in a hurry, but when the occasion came to over-take or move forward, he reclined back into his chair - arghhhhh!!! Normally je suis très calme et tranquille, mais cette matin je me sens pas asi!

Anyhoo, I'm going to look at it as a sort of ... encouragement. It always seems that when things start going well, there are other things that try to push you down. So I'm going to let it go (with gritted teeth) and move forward. No seriously, there are more important things in life that deserve my attention, like not letting my peppermint tea get any colder.

Whenever troubles come your way..... smile and drink tea!!

New Blood

Everywhere I go no, matter where it is, I get bitten!!! I don't know what it is! And it seems like I’m the only one. It's really starting to "p" me off. Right now, I'm nursing four bites, one on my finger - I mean what kind of insect decides to do that? I mean to be honest they are kinda smart, seeing as its really uncomfortable and irritating and it keeps itching coz it's just below the knuckle so every time it bends it stretches the skin which irritates it even more. Arghhhhh!!! They've also managed to get into other uncomfortable places like under the armpit. I hope you're all feeling the pain. The same thing happened to me when I went to Sierra Leone, and even to Maryland. In Sierra Leone, it got so bad that I tried to sleep with extra long gloves on. Now this was in the middle of their summer, so it made for very uncomfortable and sweaty nights. In the end I had to submit to the little wretches. In Maryland, those little things covered my legs in lovely red bumps. Wearing trousers just aggravated them, so I had to wear shorts IN PUBLIC!!!

Now my theory is, and correct me if I’m wrong, they sense, or rather smell, when new, tasty blood has arrived on their territory and so they go all out. I suppose in some strange way I should be flattered? Stupid things!!! I've almost run out of the antiseptic cream for lapping it on. Also, now I feel paranoid that I've been bitten in other places.
Ok rant over for the time being. Back to work!

African's never stop surprising me with their selfish ways.

Ok I realise that I am making a huge generalisation there but when you have concrete evidence in favour of their inconsiderate ways it's hard not to. I've just read an article from Peace FM online http://elections.peacefmonline.com/politics/200909/27538.php that goes to show exactly what i'm saying. A little consideration could do so much for the continent. Instead of thinking how "I" can get ahead, what about changing that solatary pronoun for "we" eh?