Kiddies Couture

                                       

Over the past few years I had thought that the fashion community had come under scrutiny following uproar about size zero models, debates about ethical trading and a general conclusion that the industry is putting undue pressure on young girls (and boys) to be a certain way.

"What girls doesn't want to wear her mum's shoes?"

A quote from a recent article I read promoting the launch of Roger Vivier's Jeune Fille collection - a mini replication his range of ballerina pumps for adults. You might ask what is such the big problem, there's no harm done in ballet pumps right? Well no - but it's the principle that counts. Just like the quote, its the encouragement of young girls to be like women - grow-up. And with the launch of DVF's girls range for Gap (that many women are coveting), the line between childhood and womanhood seems to be getting ever blurred.

When will children be given the freedom to grow up at their own pace? They are facing more complex issues each day; divorce, caring for the sick, abuse, bullying, gang crime - all sorts. Will there ever be an age when kids can just be kids?

Let me know what you think!!

Debate: Opportunities and Women

I have just come across this debate from The Economist. It's a very interesting topic. What are your views.

This is the argument for:

The proposer's rebuttal remarksJan 22nd 2010

Richard Donkin

In entering this debate we were asked to consider the proposition that women in the developed world had never had it so good. Since that is the proposition I will confine my remarks to debating that point and that point alone.

The problem with steering the debate in another direction, however much we may sympathise with the arguments and frustrations in doing so, is that it avoids discussion of the specific motion. Moreover, it removes the opportunity for women to take stock of their lives, to look around and to make some comparisons of then and now.

If we had been invited to discuss the plight of people—not just women—in the developing world, we would have needed far more than the space allotted here. But this debate is focused on women in the developed world and the general question of whether they are better off now than they have ever been.

The debate, I should add, is not seeking to determine whether women are better off than men in the workplace. As has been established, and I would not quibble with any of the evidence on women's pay, the struggle for equal pay for equal responsibilities in the workplace between men and women has a long way to run. But that is not the proposition.

The question we are here to discuss is whether women in developed countries today are better off than their mothers were. I do not think that this debate is necessarily about pay and careers but about perceptions, and self-perceptions at that. What do we mean by "never had it so good"?

Are women simply going to measure their progress in society by financial comparisons? Isn't that the sort of thing that men do? I thought women were smarter than that.

Many working women today will have had an entirely different experience of the workplace from that of their mothers, some of whom may never have held down a full-time job. Does that mean that these modern women can view themselves as better off than their mothers were?

The answer depends on the way an individual woman understands her role in society. An important consideration here must be self-fulfilment and, as Fay Weldon the novelist once said, men are irrelevant in women's considerations. "Women are happy or unhappy, fulfilled or unfulfilled, and it has nothing to do with men," said Weldon. That is harsh, but women must believe this of themselves if they are to reshape a better future than the conflict-strewn path of history carved by men.

This brings us to the nub of the debate: do women have a better opportunity today to realise their potential than they did in the past? I think the answer must be a resounding "yes".

Within western industrialised nations, at least, young women today are rarely singled out by their parents, as my wife was, and channelled into a career that, in her case, her father decided would be a "good career for a woman. When I was at school, 35 years ago, careers advice for most of my female contemporaries did not extend much beyond suggestions of teaching or filling some clerical roll. Today women get the same educational opportunities as boys without assumptions that they will be seeking to pursue a particular predestined career path.

A generation ago there were few of the safeguards in the employment system that protect women today. Sexual discrimination laws were in their infancy and equal opportunities legislation was just beginning to make a difference. Today all that has changed.

If there is modern discrimination against women in contemporary education it is probably directed at those who might want to raise a family at home. That option is no longer on the agenda for those in school or college. Women are educated today in order to fulfil an economic role in society. The traditional role of motherhood, they find, must be slotted within career breaks, then juggled in ever more complex organisational demands of combining salaried work with domestic cares.

That cannot be right. I would like to see leaders of the feminist movement fighting to restore the dignity of motherhood in our lives. Men need to be part of that struggle, directing some of their own ambitions in the direction of good parenting, so that the raising of families is accepted as something that demands equal input and that is valued in society, particularly by governments and employers.

For all the talk of growth economies, of productivity, of richer nations enjoying greater spending power than less successful neighbours, the end game of humanity is not a fistful of dollars but about relative happiness and contentment over a lifetime. Women play a unique role in that equation, always have, always will.

Why is the caring role—whether looking after children or the elderly—perceived by some as a raw deal? Helping children to understand the world around them is one of the most rewarding experiences that life can offer, while sharing the twilight years of the elderly can be equally rewarding if we can rid ourselves of the shabby images of caring: brattish, screaming infants and incoherent oldies gathered round the TV. Care in the family need not be like that, but valuing everything in monetary terms has diminished humanity, importing elements of the production line to birth, life and death.

We can all agree there are still too few women in politics, still too few in the most senior professional and management roles. But we should always take into consideration those women who do not choose this path in life. The late Mother Teresa seemed capable of finding a proper perspective that all of us with families, not just women, could adopt. She said: "Everybody today seems to be in such a terrible rush, anxious for greater developments and greater riches and so on, so that children have very little time for their parents. Parents have very little time for each other, and in the home begins the disruption of peace of the world."

The women's struggle, the women's movement must carry on, but women might do themselves a service if they took stock for a moment, looked around and counted their blessings as much as their victories. It is good to celebrate now and then and women deserve to celebrate for just a moment perhaps. Tomorrow there will be more work and women should embark on the rest of their journey, wherever they believe they should be heading, in the knowledge that they are second to no man. But today it is time to discover their own distinctive futures, an inclusive future for all, not the future of men.

For the argument against follow this link: The Economist Debates.
 
My initial thoughts, is that he obviously makes some valid points, like society's perceptions on the role of women has changed and women tend to be a little bit more career focussed. But I don't believe that takes away from our innate ability for motherhood and nuturing, and neither will it if we don't want it to. As he states it is up to us women to decide on what we want in life and go after that. In a previous post I believe that I stated that women and men were created differently to have different tasks in life. This all falls apart when a few women decide that they want to "take on" men. I would say to them...be your own person.
 
It sounds like I am conceeding with what the article states, but I'm really not...opportunities and potentials for women remain constrained. And if we dissagregate this along the lines of ethnicity, location, careers it becomes even more pronounced. But at the same time as women we need to stop trying to compete with men and do what we were meant to do...whatever that may be for the individual.
 
What say you?

Get out the way!

So, I realise that I am in my head way too much. I could use excuses like, I'm at work all day, sat in front of a computer with actual work to do so I don't get the chance to talk. Or that, I don't want everyone knowing my business or that I need to work it out first etc. But what ever I say, it would all be an excuse and a semi-lie. Yes I am at work all day, and no I'm not going to share my inner most secrets with colleagues, but that shouldn’t stop me from being myself. Further, I may be thousands of kilometres away from friends, but that doesn't stop me calling, writing or even skyping them, now does it?


I think my greatest fear is actually thinking. Yes, I have stuff going on in my head all the time but I'm not actually thinking. When I say thinking, I mean resolving things. Because if I actually thought about things, it would mean that I have an opinion and having an opinion makes you vulnerable, which I don't want. But I am too grown for this nonsense now. I need to make the effort to get involved, feel, contribute and formulate. I am not as weak, ignorant, naïve as I think myself to be. I have a lot to offer and I'm the only person standing in my way.


So I say to myself this day as Ludacris so eloquently put "move b*, get out my way, get out my way b* get out my way!"

Too Many Men

In my current environment I would say that gender distribution is typically structured according to traditional views. That is to say, the professional staff is dominated by males and the non-professional by females. Among the professional positions, women make up only 22%, and this is at a push. That is a tiny number, and the higher up the ladder you get, the smaller the numbers get. That is not to say that it is the same in all organisations, never mind in all professions, but I think it goes to highlight just how stark gender disparities are, the constraints and limitations women face and that definitely something needs to be done about it. Even by that simple statistic many female colleagues could be put off even trying to enter the "market" at such high levels and redirect their efforts to situations that are seemingly more "female friendly". If we consider even further back, to youths, or children who begin dreaming about what "I'm going to be when I grow up" I am sure if they see that an environment is particularly dominated by their gender they would gravitate towards it. That is not to say that progress has not been made. I am too young to confidently and accurately recall what the situation was like 20 years or 30 years back, but I am certain that the sex discrimination act, or provisions for child care and maternity leave were very hard to find.

On the other hand the whole concept of gender brings with it its own problems. It is one thing to advocate equality among the sexes in certain aspects. But I don't think enough care is taken to appropriately measure or account for what the term equality means. In Amartya Sen's "Development as Freedom" he talks about capabilities and opportunities. About how one's development or a community's development is measured by their access to opportunities. And so equality would imply that both sexes have access to the same amount of opportunities. But there are varying factors that must be taken into consideration. It is not enough to simply state "here, look … you can go and do that". There are traditional, cultural and social constraints, as well as economic constraints that limit one's access to such "equal opportunities". And so these must be addressed. Further, or more importantly, I believe that equality does not mean being able to do the same thing. For one, we are created differently (thank God). We all have different functions, strengths and weaknesses etc. So implementing a policy that is supposedly "gender neutral" does not in fact deal with these problems , if anything it just increases them.

I was reading some articles (Beyond the Economic Man by Ferber and Nelson) in which they discuss the problems associated with the word gender. One often assumes that if gender is to be disscused then it is that of women. But there are two genders, males and females, so maybe there needs to be some kind of balance?

Anyway… I think that women face many more constraints when it comes to the professional world and they need much more support .

Love: Truly

To be perfectly honest I've been avoiding writing the follow up to this. I realised that I had started something that was in-depth, complex, personal and just damned confusing.

We all speak of love so freely, but if we took a moment to consider what we meant by love, I am sure that you would be feeling what I feel right now.

I say "I love you", " I heart you", many times a day (as of late anyways), in different ways to many different people. But what are my personal intentions with those words? Last week, I was conscious that I wanted to complete, or at the least, add to my previous input so I was going around trying to make myself sensitive to my surroundings. And quite fittingly, the topic of our weekly Bible study was Love. I left feeling …hmm…more assured but at the same time confused.

This is a lot harder than I thought. I'm not sure if its because it’s a hard topic to discuss or because there is a mental block in sharing as feelings and views are personal. Probably a mixture of both. So my input may not sound all that put together.

I guess in me saying "I love you" to whomever it may be, is that I choose to make you a priority in my life. I will do my best to ensure that my actions are respectful, thoughtful and caring. Well that's in a utopia, as I have my bad days - quite frequently. But I guess it's the intentions behind that count? We may have our bad days, but we should continue to show our commitment, and I guess those on the receiving end, if they have truly experienced your love, will still feel loved despite your bad days. It's like in the wedding vows "in sickness and in health, for richer for poor" and "through the good and the bad".

Just thinking about it, "I love you" sometimes seems insufficient. But just take a sec to actually think about what it means (ok it helps to have some soothing jazz floating in the background - i'm listening to Lizz Wright The Orchard) - it's … just, simply, love.

"when you find someone you know you love, just love that person... God will see you through the rest of the way" - Musiq Soulchild

Try Nat King Cole. I'm feeling his music right now. His voice is so....mmmm.

 
(picture from flickr.com)

Time to Step up...

I woke up this morning on fire. I don't know what happened whilst I was sleeping, but today "I am on it"! I think that it's the combination of different things that's been going on around me. But the final trigger was a conversation I had with my lovely sweetness :-) last night. I have definitely found a good thing.

Anyway, I feel motivated and ready to do what I need to do. I've been kidding myself and allowing myself to remain in my comfort zone for too long. It's finally dawned on me that the things that I have been struggling with; sharing emotions, stepping up, being more assertive are the same things that are preventing me from achieving the goals and dreams that I have. I remember even back to netball games and hockey games at school, our coach would always tell me to be more "aggressive". Why did they put me in the defence positions? (I now have a puzzled look on my face) - anyway, now it's time for change.

We all have goals and dreams. For me I believe that God wouldn't have given me these goals and dreams if they weren't achievable. I've tried to push myself to think that I can only have one, but why? Who says that we can't achieve everything we set out to do. Ok, I might be sounding a bit pompous or arrogant, but its not about that at all. It's about having confidence in your God, your abilities and a realistic understanding of the world around you. I have been stupid not to see that I have family and friends who are there, supporting me and not judging me. I cannot achieve everything through my own will, I do need the help of others.

As a very special person reminded me, life is about the choices that we make. The decisions we make today have an impact on how our lives will turn out tomorrow. So we need to make the choice that we think will lead us to the place that we want to be. So it might mean making some sacrifices today, but the gains to come will be oh so sweet :-). It's also about deciding on what your priorities are in life and ensuring that your actions reflect exactly that. It's not supposed to be easy, otherwise we would all be the happiest people. But with God as my fortress and my rock…all things are possible.

I guess what I am saying to you is, don't underestimate your abilities. Have dreams, but also have the confidence and be pragmatic as to how these dreams are achieved. Also be flexible, because inevitably things will not turn out as you planned. But that's ok…learn from it, and make the next choice.

I endeavour to take each day as it comes. Deal with the tasks and challenges that present themselves now, live and enjoy today, but focus on the future and all that God has in store for me.

I'm sharing this with you because I want it to be testament to the difference that is to come in all our lives. I want you all to be my witnesses and I shall be yours. I am ready to step up, but I know that it will be difficult. If ever I slack, I will rely on you to tell me. Are you ready?

Listen to this

Beautiful Flower - India Arie

Choices: Where there’s a will there’s always a way.

25th October 2009

We all have them, and often make the wrong ones because of naiveté, ignorance, or just undue attention to the facts.

This weekend, unlike other past weekends here, has not been as action filled, energetic or inspiring. In fact I have spent the entire time in the close vicinity of the house, passing my time in the land of unconscious and experiencing the delights of daytime television in a foreign land. And as I reflect back on my complete idleness, although the rest was much needed, I feel a sense of disappointment in myself for not trying to make more of the situation. It becomes very easy to get accustomed to being/living in a certain way and when that option is no longer available to you, it’s a lot easier to sit on one’s derrière than try and change the situation. Ok, enough of the cryptic talk. Basically, I had the option of doing quite exciting things, like scuba diving and going out and socialising with people of my own age in an environment that is not so foreign from the likes of the London night scene. However, me being myself I turned down both opportunities because I guess in all honesty I couldn’t be bothered to put the extra effort in to get myself to those locations. I’ve adjusted to the luxury of being driven around, or just tagging along to places, that the thought of going out into the real Tunis by myself is rather frightening. We live in the suburbs of the city, where transportation is not frequent and is often difficult to find.
What I have learnt or rather what I have come to realise is that options do not usually come up in this place and so when they present themselves I need to take full advantage of them. Nevertheless, it’s given me an insight into how living here would be. It would definitely push me out of my comfort zone, something that I know is much needed but I have been reluctant to accept.

Love: Actually

It's that time again, to talk about that all important topic, my favorite, yep LOVE!

Is love really all around us? I was watching Love Actually with Hugh Grant and that is one of his lines in the opening scene of the film and it got me thinking. Ok so the last time I was talking about to some extent, the meaning of love (though this is a topic that I shall be returning to). Now I guess I want to discuss, if love exists, and if so where and how. I realise that i'm taking on a lot more than I can handle by myself, that is why I really need your input/comments - I want it to be a kind of bring and share.

So back to my original question: "Is love really all around us?"

I suppose the easiest answer to this would be "yes, of course". But then we need to place it in some kind of context. What do we mean by love? What is love? How does one experess love? These are all questions that I think we're all trying to work out.

Some definitions of Love:

The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Wikepedia offers -

As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love[2] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.[3] Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

About.com gives some advice to teens on the subject.

Random website on relationships
 Ok, so there's a lot to think about there. To be continued ......

To some Love is friendship set on fire for others maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components in the book of psychology: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, in an ancient proverb love is defined as a high form of tolerance. And this view has been accepted and advocated by both philosophers and scholars. Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a shortjourney. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect.

Be Careful What You Wish For

I'm sure you all know that saying very well, but often we forget that it's actually true. Ok, last week at the beginning of the internship my tasks mainly involved, twiddling my thumbs, checking emails, of which I received very few, I thought you people loved me!! Because of this premature idleness I may have voiced, "I’m bored" a few times. Oh how I wish I could return to those early days.
Yep, this week has been manic, and i suppose i wouldn't mind as much if I felt that I had achieved something substantial. When i say this i mean learn something, contribute, blah blah blah. Instead, I’ve been involved with the final preps for a book that will be launched in a few weeks. This may sound exciting to you, but in practical terms, it means sitting in front of your computer for prolonged periods of time (leaving you with a numb derriere) and deleting and formatting paragraphs. I guess I’ve learnt more about the inner workings of MS Word - but to be honest it would have been a lot more appreciated if I had this knowledge about a month ago, whilst i was preparing my own document, dissertation for submission.
I'm just pleased that today is Friday. I can't wait to get home. Not too sure yet if another 20km run is on the cards or an alternative body conditioning class (with an ex Ivorian football player) will take place, as it's been raining on and off again today. I shall let you know in my next post. Also I shall be talking about my food experiences here so far. Yum Yum!!

African's never stop surprising me with their selfish ways.

Ok I realise that I am making a huge generalisation there but when you have concrete evidence in favour of their inconsiderate ways it's hard not to. I've just read an article from Peace FM online http://elections.peacefmonline.com/politics/200909/27538.php that goes to show exactly what i'm saying. A little consideration could do so much for the continent. Instead of thinking how "I" can get ahead, what about changing that solatary pronoun for "we" eh?

Offices are the Same Everywhere

So I'm sitting in whats going to be my office for the next 3 months. It's as you would expect any typical working space. Abrasive lighting, lots of filing cabinets but minimal storage space for anything practical like, pens, stapler, notepads etc. etc. I came prepared with my peppermint tea and other lil things to make my stay just a bit more pleasant, only to find that i have no where to put them. So at the moment they are being housed on the extremely bare desk. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining really or should I? More importantly, there's a computer on the desk that i can't access because I'm waiting on the IT peps to come hook me up to the network (3 days and still waiting!!).

As far as 1st day work outfits go, I think I look the part. I've tried to get a balance between my own personal style whilst remaining unoffensive to most. I donned a black pencil high waisted skirt with white pin-striped shirt and some black patent (killer) heels. Pictures to follow! I did get some "look at dis one" looks, but je m'en fou as the french say. Practically speaking, it probably wasn't the best option seeing as I hadn't factored in a half mile walk and a half hour wait just to get some lunch - yeah on reflection, probably not the best option. But as they say in Krio, "yanga nah pain" which means "beauty is pain" or something of the sort.

Ok moving onto the reason why I'm here in the first place, i.e. to work, gain lots of experience, learn more about the field. I guessed within the first hour or so that all the topic areas I've been trying to avoid during my masters course will actually be needed. So some advice to anyone who thinks that certain topics won't be needed later on in life, it will! This week, my task involves reviewing economic developments in Africa for a brief, which involves as you would imagine consultation of all the major economic and business websites. I've actually learnt a lot to my surprise, and will be sharing my new knowledge with you at some point.

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/regions/africa.html

http://af.reuters.com/