Month of Love: Close

As the "month of love" draws to a close, I do wonder to myself if I have learnt anything. Love is a complex thing, it is a choice. We can opt in or opt out. It's easy to do either, but it seems like we have a problem remaining in either camp.

Choosing to love is probably one of the easiest decisions we can make as humans. We are personable people and want the company of others. But being in love or showing love to others requires sacrifices, and we are selfish.

Over the past few months, I have learnt just how much of a selfish being I am. I thought that I was perfect.... well close enough anyways. How WRONG I was. Living with another being and spending all your time together makes you realise just how much you enjoy your own space. I know, earlier I said that we want the company of others, and that is true, no one wants to be alone. But it seems as though as soon as we get that, or rather too much of that, we want to push back, we feel threatened.

I am learning the lessons of being a better person every day. But I am having problems with the implementation process. That would mean, changing myself and admitting that I am wrong and have been for a while. I need a lot more courage and faith. God says that we have nothing to fear, and as sure I am about the truth of that fact, it is extremely hard to live it out.

What have you learnt this month?

Love: Community

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How many of us actually take in our surroundings when we are out and about? Whilst walking along the streets, are we taking in what we see, looking for those who need help or are we more concerned about getting to places on time, seeing who has texted us or fitting in a phone call? I know where I fall in.

Recently, I have been challenged by the actions of a very close friend of mine. Whilst we were on our way out, we briefly noticed a lady who was walking in the opposite direction to us. Upon our return, we noticed this same lady in the same area as before. She was walking very slowly, as if she had no real destination; she looked cold (it had just snowed) and ill. My friend, immediately showed concern (I think because we had seen her before) and wanted to offer her gloves that he was wearing. Without much hesitation, he crossed the street, asked her if she was ok, to which she replied that she was fine but was on her way back to the hospital (so obviously wasn’t too good), and then offered her the gloves for which she was really grateful.

That simple act of kindness, I’m sure brightened up her day, even if just for a short while. And I hope that in some small way will have a positive effect on her. Now every time I think of gloves or see them, I think of her.

How courageous are we to be selfless? Personally, I know that I am lacking in this area. The act of love should not only reach those that are closest to us but reach out to those that are in need. This is a challenge both to myself and to you.

Deuteronomy 15:11

There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.

Proverbs 19:17
Whoever is kind to the poor lends to the LORD, and he will reward them for what they have done.

Perfect Love

1 John 4:17-19

In this, love is perfected with us so that we may have confidence in the day of judgement; for we are as He is in this world. There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment. So the one who fears has not reached perfection in love.

I came across this passage over the weekend, and the final sentence got me. It states quite clearly that to love perfectly, that we should fear nothing. But is this really achievable. I know it is because it says so in the Bible, but how? Thinking of myself and the many “fears” or “anxieties” that I have (which I have also learnt is not fruitful) I do wonder if I will ever get to that place of perfect love. How do you feel about it? Do you even think that it is necessary?

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Happy Valentine's Day!!!!

Wishing you love and happiness. 

Here are some pics/wallpapers that I've found online that I thought were cute:

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This is a reminder that I need to go out and get me some so I can make the cookies for my man.
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Go on.... tell someone you love them.... you know you want to. 

Month of Love

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As the name of my blog suggests, the main topic of discussion is usually that of the emotional character. So it would be fitting that in this month of February, also a synonym for love, that I should share with you my words of wisdom. So watch out for various posts this month as I share my experiences.

xxx

Time:

Have you actually thought about how much time you actually get to spend with the one you say you want to spend the rest of your life with? Take away time to sleep (zzzzzzzzzz), time getting dressed (for a girl it can be a while), time at work, gym or other extra curricular activity. How much time is left? How much time do you have left in your hands to completely and utterly dedicate to your one true love?




Don’t get me wrong, I'm not saying that we should ditch your friends, but I have learnt that we need to start making smart choices and not just fall onto the conveyer belt of life. We should treasure our friends and our family, make sure you spend quality time with them. They are there to inspire you, support you and give you a different perspective and provide a stimulating environment. But our husbands or wives nurture us, they help us to grow and become the person we hope we can one day be. They develop us, they breath life!



I think that we all need to be a little bit more strategic with the decisions that we make. Listen to your heart because that is where your true happiness and joy lies. And success cannot be measured in monetary terms but is unique to the individual.



Go on, make the extra effort. Give him/her a call. Tell them that you love them, damn sing it to them. Just make sure they know how you feel.

The Longest Married Couple

Back to my favourite topic: LOVE!!!!

I received a forward and thought that I would share it with you. It really makes you think, appreciate all the good things we have and put things into the right perspective.

Meet Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of North Carolina . They have been married 85 years (86 in May) and hold the Guinness World Record for the longest marriage of a living couple and get this.

Zelmyra is 101 years old and Herbert is 104.

The happily married couple teamed up with twitter this Valentine's Day to answer some relationship questions.  Check out their take on finding love, getting through hard times and more.

1. What made you realize that you could spend the rest of your lives together? Were you scared at all?

H & Z: With each day that passed, our relationship was more solid and secure. Divorce was NEVER an option - or even a thought.

2. How did you know your spouse was the right one for you?

We grew up together & were best friends before we married. A friend is for life - our marriage has lasted a lifetime.


3. Is there anything you would do differently after more than 80 years of marriage?

We wouldn't change a thing. There's no secret to our marriage, we just did what was needed for each other & our family.


4. What is your advice to someone who is trying to keep the faith that Mr. Right is really out there?

Zelmyra: Mine was just around the corner! He is never too far away, so keep the faith - when you meet him,
you'll know.

5. What was the best piece of marriage advice you ever received?

Respect, support & communicate with each other. Be faithful, honest & true. Love each other with ALL of your heart .


6. What are the most important attributes of a good spouse?

Zelmyra: A hard worker & good provider. The 1920s were hard, but Herbert wanted & provided the best for us. I married a good man!


7. What is your best Valentine's Day memory?

Zelmyra: I cook dinner EVERY day. Herbert left work early & surprised me - he cooked dinner for me! He is a VERY good cook!

Herbert: I said that I was going to cook dinner for her & she could relax - the look on her face & clean  plate made my day!


8. You got married very young - how did u both manage to grow as individuals yet not grow apart as a couple?

"Everyone who plants a seed & harvests the crop celebrates together" We are individuals, but accomplish more together.


9. What is your fondest memory of your 85-year marriage?

Our legacy: 5 children, 10 grandchildren, 9 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild.


10. Does communicating get easier with time? How do you keep your patience?

The children are grown, so we talk more now. We can enjoy our time on the porch or our rocking chairs - together.

11. How did you cope when you had to be physically separated for long periods of time?

Herbert: We were apart for 2 months when Z was hospitalized with our 5th child. It was the most difficult time of my life. Zelmyra's mother helped me with the house and the other children, otherwise I would have lost my mind.


12. At the end of bad relationship day, what is the most important thing to remind yourselves?

Remember marriage is not a contest - never keep a score. God has put the two of you together on the same team to win.


13. Is fighting important?

NEVER physically! Agree that it's okay to disagree, & fight for what really matters. Learn to bend - not break!


14. What's the one thing you have in common that transcends everything else?

We are both Christians & believe in God. Marriage is a commitment to the Lord. We pray with & for each other every day.

Encouragement

I was reading through one of my old note books when I came across something I wrote almost a year ago now. I wrote it at a time when I needed motivation and encouragement. I thought that I would share it with you:

When it comes to men, patience (or lack of) is our worst enemy, we simply do not have enough of it. We chose to take what we see and not what we believe we are entitled to.


Have no regrets in life. When you say you will do something, DO IT. Life is too short. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow there will be other challenges. Today is the present. Go forth in faith and accomplish God's plan for your life.


If you achieve only one thing in life, chose to let God love you. For if you truly open yourself to His wonder, grandeur, mercy, compassion and forgiveness, there is no way you will not love Him back.

Roses

I've been contemplating how personal I make my blog posts and with that I've been wondering if I should share my latest news. But I've decided that this is me, and I want to be me so here it goes. I am going to become a Mrs!!!! Woop Woop for me!!!!! Although I am guessing that the majority if not all of my avid readers are already fully aware of this fact. If you have not yet made yourself known as a follower of my random thoughts please do, it provides some encouragement.

We decided to follow a traditional Krio Rose Engagement Ceremony. At first I was against it as I felt it took away from "our" day. But due to outside reasoning I gave in, well not completely, I wouldn't be me if I had. We changed things up slightly. If you click on the link above it'll take you to an explanation of what the day is supposed to be like traditionally. To be fair we followed the majority of it though changed the gifts and the groom was present from start to finish. I think it was all the better for it as the atmosphere was one of laughter and relaxation. This is my take on it from my bedroom on the top floor and from videos of it as I was prohibited from the ceremony till the proposal itself. :-(

Ok a quick run down of events;

Grooms family arrived; introductions by both sides of the family; presentation of gifts; deliberation by brides family over gifts and if they're prepared to hand over their daughter (me); acceptance; presentation of roses; blessing of ring; proposal; answer; lots of cheering; lots of praying and singing; food; dance; sleep.

It was an awesome day. Nothing that I could have prepared myself for. For me, it put into tangible perspective what marriage is all about. Yes it is about the love and eternal union between a male and female, but it's also about the union and bonds that are created among family members and friends - well they're family too. In modern or rather westernised society the element of family is taken out of marriages and so too often they fail. But I'm not here to give my views of what makes a marriage work or not - how can I, I haven't even fully entered that equation yet. I'm just here to share my good news.

"Love you like polar bears love ice"

This is my latest acquisition....

Reflections

The festive season is drawing to a close and so is this year. I'm looking into 2010 feeling at peace, relaxed and I guess knowing that challenges will come (it's inevitable, it's me we are talking about), but I feel stronger and more prepared. This year has been a year of lessons for me. Many of them commonsensical, but for me they have changed my outlook on how I perceive life and relationships.

God has continued to show his grace and faithfulness in all areas of my life. I guess next year will be a year where I will be challenged to show my faithfulness in God. I have learnt to "let go and let be". I have learnt that usually the things that I am running from is actually where I'm supposed to be. I have learnt the importance of friendships and the bonds that exist between brothers and sisters, whether by blood or otherwise. I have been able to grasp just a little more, the extent of God's love for His children. And with regards to relationships…I'm still on the learning curve, but I'm definitely enjoying the ride.

We are all privileged enough to be surrounded by love. And if you don't feel it, maybe you're the one that needs to change how you receive and give? Anyway… we should all give thanks that we have been brought this far, for it was not by our will. Lets continue to show love and encourage one another in the following years, because we could all do with a little more support.

Friends: my sisters

Wow, I'm already in December, just weeks left to go now. I have learnt so much - not necessarily professionally - but more about God, life and relationships. I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now in my life so I have stopped fighting and I'm just gonna role with it till it's time to change again.


Don't ever be fooled. Physical distance has no bearing on the strength of a relationship. And I am not talking about the romantic type. I have seen my friends grow and become more assured in themselves and their decisions. Maybe it's the age that we have reached and a lingering understanding that change must occur. But others are at the same age and have made very little change. And it is not a tangible change, but rather dynamics that occur within us that bring about an external outcome. I feel totally blessed having you all in my life. I know that God has brought us together for a reason and I will cherish the friendship that we have.

I thought this pic, gives a glimpse of how i feel when with you

I love you all…..

Love: Truly

To be perfectly honest I've been avoiding writing the follow up to this. I realised that I had started something that was in-depth, complex, personal and just damned confusing.

We all speak of love so freely, but if we took a moment to consider what we meant by love, I am sure that you would be feeling what I feel right now.

I say "I love you", " I heart you", many times a day (as of late anyways), in different ways to many different people. But what are my personal intentions with those words? Last week, I was conscious that I wanted to complete, or at the least, add to my previous input so I was going around trying to make myself sensitive to my surroundings. And quite fittingly, the topic of our weekly Bible study was Love. I left feeling …hmm…more assured but at the same time confused.

This is a lot harder than I thought. I'm not sure if its because it’s a hard topic to discuss or because there is a mental block in sharing as feelings and views are personal. Probably a mixture of both. So my input may not sound all that put together.

I guess in me saying "I love you" to whomever it may be, is that I choose to make you a priority in my life. I will do my best to ensure that my actions are respectful, thoughtful and caring. Well that's in a utopia, as I have my bad days - quite frequently. But I guess it's the intentions behind that count? We may have our bad days, but we should continue to show our commitment, and I guess those on the receiving end, if they have truly experienced your love, will still feel loved despite your bad days. It's like in the wedding vows "in sickness and in health, for richer for poor" and "through the good and the bad".

Just thinking about it, "I love you" sometimes seems insufficient. But just take a sec to actually think about what it means (ok it helps to have some soothing jazz floating in the background - i'm listening to Lizz Wright The Orchard) - it's … just, simply, love.

"when you find someone you know you love, just love that person... God will see you through the rest of the way" - Musiq Soulchild

Try Nat King Cole. I'm feeling his music right now. His voice is so....mmmm.

 
(picture from flickr.com)

Love: Actually

It's that time again, to talk about that all important topic, my favorite, yep LOVE!

Is love really all around us? I was watching Love Actually with Hugh Grant and that is one of his lines in the opening scene of the film and it got me thinking. Ok so the last time I was talking about to some extent, the meaning of love (though this is a topic that I shall be returning to). Now I guess I want to discuss, if love exists, and if so where and how. I realise that i'm taking on a lot more than I can handle by myself, that is why I really need your input/comments - I want it to be a kind of bring and share.

So back to my original question: "Is love really all around us?"

I suppose the easiest answer to this would be "yes, of course". But then we need to place it in some kind of context. What do we mean by love? What is love? How does one experess love? These are all questions that I think we're all trying to work out.

Some definitions of Love:

The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Wikepedia offers -

As an abstract concept, love usually refers to a deep, ineffable feeling of tenderly caring for another person. Even this limited conception of love, however, encompasses a wealth of different feelings, from the passionate desire and intimacy of romantic love to the nonsexual emotional closeness of familial and platonic love[2] to the profound oneness or devotion of religious love.[3] Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of interpersonal relationships and, owing to its central psychological importance, is one of the most common themes in the creative arts.

About.com gives some advice to teens on the subject.

Random website on relationships
 Ok, so there's a lot to think about there. To be continued ......

To some Love is friendship set on fire for others maybe love is like luck. You have to go all the way to find it. No matter how you define it or feel it, love is the eternal truth in the history of mankind.

Psychology portrays love as a cognitive phenomenon with a social cause. It is said to have three components in the book of psychology: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion. Also, in an ancient proverb love is defined as a high form of tolerance. And this view has been accepted and advocated by both philosophers and scholars. Love also includes compatibility. But it is more of journey to the unknown when the concept of compatibility comes into picture. Maybe the person whom we see in front of us, may be least compatible than the person who is miles away. We might talk to each other and portray that we love each other, but practically we do not end up into any relationship. Also in compatibility, the key is to think about the long term successful relationship, not a shortjourney. We need to understand each other and must always remember that no body is perfect.

Love: Finally!

Ok I realise that the title of this blog, is Love, Travels, News and Everything Between, but I have so far evaded discussing the first topic. To be honest I think I was avoiding it as it means that I have to get all personal and honest. At the time of creating the blog, it seemed exciting to have it as a topic to discuss because everyone has a view on it, but when it came to the crunch… it’s kinda “scary”.


So here I go. Amidst the crazy schedule of 20km runs, which I must add didn’t finish till 10:00pm, and then waking up at 07:00am for morning exercises and more running, at which point the heavens opened and gave us all a good shower, to trips to the market and farewell dinners, we( that is my aunt and I, who I must add is absolutely amazing – I was the one struggling to keep up), also attended a wedding. The ceremony was beautiful; even if it didn’t start at the time it was supposed to. But I guess what should we expect really, from our fellow brothers and sisters nothing but the best of BMT. The wait was well worth it in my opinion. The most striking thing that stood out to me was not the decorations of the church, or how beautiful the bride looked, or her intricately embroided and beaded dress, or the nerves of the groom but rather that you could feel the presence of God and God was the focus of the wedding. The sermon reminded us of the meaning of marriage as the “institution” and what it takes to make it successful in the Christian sense. The pastor was not afraid to speak truth and tell the couple that there will be times when they would want to just walk out, but it’s up to them to make a daily decision to remain faithful, strong and honest to their partner. More importantly, marriage as he put it is about putting the other person first before yourself, ensuring that in everything you do, that person remains your priority. I’ve been thinking a lot about marriage myself recently, not that I’m getting married yet, but because I’ve been in places where people have been talking about it or through conversations with friends about relationships. It’s made me seriously consider what I want from my marriage. Love obviously is important, but in all honestly, do we even know what that truly means? I think it has become really easy to say “I love you” or simply “I love …” followed by the appropriate personal pronoun or even noun. But we don’t take time out to truly consider its true meaning. I have found that the greatest love that there could ever be is from God. He sent His son to die for me and you. Jesus, I believe is the best and ultimate example of what love in its truest sense means. If we apply that to marriage, if we love like Jesus loves and do as He taught, then divorce rates will not be the ridiculous 50% of marriages as they currently stand. Couples are stepping into marriage too lightly. And it’s not helped by certain celebrity couples who flaunt themselves as being totally in love, get married, only to be divorced a few months later. I think we all need to think about what we want for ourselves, how we want to be treated and what we deserve. I know a couple, who are close family friends who have been married 66 years this year. That is what I call a working relationship.